The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove by Christopher Moore

I could tell you what this book's about, but you wouldn't believe me (no vampires!). 


I should just tell you it's hilarious, and that it has two of the most disturbing, alarming sex scenes you'll ever encounter. 


This is 1999 book, mid-way through Moore's writing career to-date: not heavy on message, but plenty thick with absurdity.